How To Deal With Your Spouse’s Expectations
First, I'm not great at cooking. I'm not talking about box items, I'm talking about cooking from scratch. I can make simple dishes, but not anything extravagant. I do know how to clean up, but what I am not good at is just maintaining everything. I can clean up, but then it comes to like how to make sure that kids are keeping things clean and things like that. I can run a house but what I'm realizing is all this stuff is very difficult.
Whether you're doing well or not, you have to apply that to your husband and vice versa. If you're a husband and you're at home and you know how difficult it is to maintain cleanliness, to have cooking schedules, to do the laundry, take care of the kids and their emotional problems, as well as how you feel. You have to then think about your wife if she's in a work field. You also have to take into consideration what they're worried about on their job such as the people that they're dealing with, their position and duties at work that are changing.
There's always a lot of things going on, even though you're looking at it as "Oh, you're just going out there and working", they're doing the same thing that you're doing at home. So neither one of you is doing a more difficult job, it's just difficult in another way. I just want to say that for all of us, whether you're working in taking care of the home, or if you're out working and you still have to come home and deal with all the dynamics that come along with that, give each other grace.
When I started looking at this myself, sometimes I know I'm not doing my best at home. Maybe I'm not utilizing my time properly and Yes, I can grow more as a wife, as a mother, as the caretaker of the home but I'm thanking God that I have a husband who does not complain about all these things.
Not that he doesn't ever say anything, but overall, there's not a lot of complaints from my husband. If I were him, I'd be complaining all the time. I think I'll be a very demanding husband myself. That's why I thank God for giving me a good husband. I appreciate that he loves to spend time with me, allows me to grow, and not complain about everything that I do wrong or I could do better.
One of the things that I think a lot of women expect is, "Hey, my man should be able to change tires, fix cars and do all of the fixings on the roof and clean the gutters" and things like that. And when a man is not doing that even though it was a fictional character, it's the standard that he's held to. He's belittled as a man for not knowing how to do those things. You got to think about that as a woman, a woman is belittled if she doesn't know how to cook, clean, and do all those kinds of homemaker tasks.
If you're in that situation where you're belittling your wife or your husband because they don't know how to do those things, you have to think about their backgrounds and beliefs. Maybe they just came from a family or a household that the man does this, and a woman does that, and with different expectations from them in their past.
I believe what's important is that as a couple, you come together and you make your own family rules and guidelines on how things should operate. Who's going to do what, who has the skills and the ability to do those things. Probably you're making your husband do things such as finances because you believe the man is supposed to pay all the bills and manage all financial things, but he doesn't know how to do it. It's too much to wrap his head around with all the different bills that you guys may have. Then that means that the wife should be doing those things instead.
The same thing, if your wife is not a good cook, instead of complaining about her cooking, if you can do it, then do it. Simple as that, or you guys find your way of doing things. Maybe you both need to get an online system for finances and it just set up so you can run it that way. The same thing with cooking, maybe both of you can't cook. Then have a good system where you can get premade healthy foods and that's what you should use instead.
Don't knock each other for not knowing how to do something that maybe your parents did, or someone you saw on TV. You're two different individuals trying to figure out how to coexist and how to create a solid foundation in your household and your family. That's what you have power and control over, you have to work together and see each other's strengths. Illuminate those strengths and then as a spouse, your job is to fill in the cracks.
If you have the ability that your husband or wife doesn't have, then you're that filler. You're filling in the cracks of what they lack. That's what a relationship is all about. Think of it as a big heart that has cracks in it from all of the empty spaces, letdowns, and all of the missing pieces. Some cracks are for God to fill, but there are still many cracks that your spouse can fill. Give each other mercy, the same mercy that you would give your child. Extend that to your spouse because at the end of the day, we're all human beings trying to figure out how to live this life, how to navigate through the ups and downs of being a person. Enjoy each other, Love each other, and always be honest with yourself and others.
If you need help in dealing with marriage or relationship issues. Please feel free to reach out to me at contact@charlottehaynes.com or get a free assessment here and let's work it out together. ❤❤❤
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I am a certified life coach and I have been coaching since 2011.
